i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
