Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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