i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
