Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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