im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This baby is an asshole
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
