hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
