What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
