i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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