My cat gives me a boner
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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