OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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