You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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