it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
