We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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