Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
