Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
