I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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