GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
