I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
