what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
