i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
