Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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