I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize