my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We need to rekindle our bromance
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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