everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
