Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
