I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
