just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm bleeding and have questions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
