NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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