i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
