I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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