You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
