What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
