I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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