She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize