So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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