dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
