bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
