I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
