They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
