everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
