Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
