we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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