I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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