shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
