Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
