Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it's like iHOP with fire
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
