just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
