Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
