Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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