I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
