Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
