my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
