maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
