mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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