Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
