i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
