if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
