youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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