he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize