i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
