quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
