U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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