And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
