i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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