Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
