Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
