my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
