I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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