I CAN MOONWALK!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
