he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
