apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
