I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
