im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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