She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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