you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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