he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
