Someone shit on the floor
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
