11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
