If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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