the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize