I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
