Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
