someone owes me an orgasm
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
