Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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