just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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