Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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