the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
