**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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