Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
