terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
