Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
