you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
