I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize