My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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