Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
