I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
