Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
