Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
