I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
