hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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