I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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