Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
