I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
