Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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