i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
