I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
