So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
