I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
