apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
